"Want to achieve business success? Treat your audience and customer like idiots, that way you can explain you benefits better." Luis Galarza from Free Internet Marketing.
By Funny Business Quotes.
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Friday, June 26, 2009
6-26-2009 Funny Business Jokes by Luis Galarza
"Want to achieve business success? Treat your audience and customer like idiots, that way you can explain you benefits better." Luis Galarza from Free Internet Marketing.
By Funny Business Quotes.
.
Monday, April 13, 2009
4-12-2009 Funny Business Quotes
"Successful business start-ups are base on focus. Focus on making a lot of money to take a long vacation!"
By Funny Business Quotes.
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Funny Business Quotes
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"A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation." Howard Scott.
"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." Douglas Adams.
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." Charles Lamb.
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock." Orson Welles.
"If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them." Will Rogers.
"If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter." Albert Grant.
"A lot of people become pessimists from financing optimists." CT Jones.
"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." Samuel Goldwyn.
"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it, and that's true anywhere in the world." Andrew Young
"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting." David Letterman
"Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity." Karl Marx
"Few great men could pass personal." Paul Goodman
"I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't." Steve Martin
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own." Les Dawson
"You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal." Lewis Black
"A salesman minus enthusiasm is just a clerk." Harry F. Banks
"The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do." Roy L. Smith
"If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business." Joey Adams
"There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there." Colonel Sanders
"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly." Steven Wright
"I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me." John Cleese
"If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers." Irvin S. Cobb
"Marking dynamos for repair $10,000.00—2 hours labor $10.00; knowing where to mark $9,990.00." (Invoice from Charles Steinmetz) Charles Steinmetz
"I cannot afford to waste my time making money." Louis Agassiz
"I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine." Barry Goldwater
"No plan can prevent a stupid person from doing the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time—but a good plan should keep a concentration from forming." Charles Erwin Wilson
"Never let an inventor run a company. You can never get him to stop tinkering and bring something to market." E. F. Schumacher
"Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes." Dave Barry
"I don’t want yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs." Samuel Goldwyn
"If I were in this business only for the business, I wouldn’t be in this business." Samuel Goldwyn
"Business? It's quite simple. It's other people's money." Alexandre Dumas
"Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results." Scott Adams
"Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart." Scott Adams
"Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once." Isaac Asimov
"We don't have a monopoly. We have market share. There's a difference." Steve Ballmer
"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling." Ambrose Bierce
"Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility." Ambrose Bierce
"When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder." James H. Boren
"There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job." Peter F. Drucker
"Business, that's easily defined - it's other people's money." Peter F. Drucker
"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something." Thomas A. Edison
"He who lives by the crystal ball soon learns to eat ground glass." Edgar R. Fiedler
"The herd instinct among forecasters makes sheep look like independent thinkers." Edgar R. Fiedler
"If you have to forecast, forecast often." Edgar R. Fiedler
"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day." Robert Frost
"If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem." J. Paul Getty
"Whales only get harpooned when they come to the surface, and turtles can only move forward when they stick their neck out, but investors face risk no matter what they do." Charles A. Jaffe
"Cannibals prefer those who have no spines." Stanislaw Lem
"Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates." Don Marquis
"Only a monopolist could study a business and ruin it by giving away products." Scott McNealy
"I don't think meals have any business being deductible. I'm for separation of calories and corporations." Ralph Nader
"So little done, so much to do." Cecil Rhodes
"Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it." Will Rogers
"It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts." Will Rogers
"If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable." Will Rogers
"There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody." Adlai E. Stevenson
"My son is now an "entrepreneur." That's what you're called when you don't have a job." Ted Turner
"Every few seconds it changes - up an eighth, down an eighth -it's like playing a slot machine. I lose $20 million, I gain $20 million." Ted Turner
"Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible." Andy Warhol
"Carpe per diem - seize the check." Robin Williams
"In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing." William Wordsworth
"We didn't actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure." Keith Davis.
"Any organisation is like a septic tank. The really big chunks rise to the top." John Imhoff.
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours." Arthur Baer.
"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth--even if it costs him his job." Samuel Goldwyn.
"Today's payslip has more deductions than a Sherlock Holmes novel." Raymond Cvikota.
"To make a long story short, there's nothing like having a boss walk in." Doris Lilly.
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Mark Twain
"The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows, your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege." letter in the Times newspaper.
"In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything." Harold Coffin.
"The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you." Charles Dickens.
"Few great men would have got past personnel." Paul Goodman.
"When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of this mess I am in now he thought for a long time and said, 'Yes, death would help'." Robert Morley.
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